The election is over and thank God for that
For it’s turned all my friends into Barry Bonds up at bat.
Hopped up on steroids, their heads full of air
Thinking their opinions are vital—“must share!”
Christians who want our President to die
“I’m Pro-Life” they say, “but who wants to off this guy?”
Adults plaster Facebook with their rants and their raves
As they lecture their kids on how to behave.
Respect and America and Sweet Apple Pie
But Lord it’d be nice if our President would die.
It’s one man, they promise, who’ll seal our demise
So no need to leave the couch or wander from those fries.
For Facebook’s the way we make our impact
And while we’re at it, why not throw out the tact?
Complain and commiserate with digital friends
For there’s nothing more informative than good ol’ Twitter trends.
And though I am partial, I have to admit
Even democrats got in on the bit.
For everyone’s an expert in this digital domain
And the grammatical errors bring me physical pain.
If you’re going to share, at least dot your i’s
For the wrong “yours” and “theirs” make you look not-so-wise.
But that is the problem with our posts and our feeds
We spew at the mouth to fulfill our own needs.
“Listen to me, for I know what’s best!”
Facebook’s a gauge, our popularity it tests.
It’s like high school all over for those who didn't get enough
Where the ignorant are smart and the weak, oh-so-tough!
So now that it’s over, I do have to say
I’m going to lose many-a-friend on this election day.
For I’ve filtered and scoured and deleted a bunch
Simply to help me keep down my lunch.
This poem’s been quite cheesy, I will give you that
It deserves not a like nor a tip of the hat.
It’s simply my way of attempting to laugh off
What I can’t help but notice is a plethora of Jack Hoffs.