Baby, it's cold outside. Duh.

With the recent "Polar vortex" (thanks, Al Roker) phenomenon that's hitting the East Coast, climate-change naysayers everywhere are popping out of the woodwork to deny global warming. This is how I feel about their uber-sceintific line of reasoning:

Global warming is over because it’s cold outside.
By their tree-hugging theories, I will not abide.
You’ve no good reason to be scared half to death.
How do I know? Well, duh, I can see my breath!

My leg isn’t broken just because a Doctor said so.
They’ve numbed it all up and now it’s good to go.
I can’t feel it at the moment, so their advice must be moot.
These doctors and their theories. Oh what a hoot!

I got pulled over for speeding, but how can that be?
For as I sit here waiting for the ticket, my speedometer is below three.
Was I going twenty over? No way, never, nope!
We’re sitting here not moving, you ridiculous dope.

Cigarettes are bad? I think they are lying.
For without one I feel like I must be dying.
Yet when I take a puff, I’m as happy as can be.
So how then, I pose, can they possibly be bad for me?

My sister’s so silly. She swears she’s five feet.
But she’s wearing heels tonight that make her easily six three.
How can she be short, when she’s tall as of late?
Her math must be off. Poor thing can’t calculate.

So again let me tell you how I know this to be true.
Global warming’s a hoax. Scientists haven’t a clue.
For it’s chilly today and the mountains look white.
It’s simple logic you morons. You’re wrong and I’m right.