Jon Stewart recently had quite the spirited debate with Bill O'Reilly on the topic of white privilege. (Spoiler Alert: Bill doesn't think it exists because "it's not 1950 anymore.") Regardless of your political affiliation, you have to admit that white people have it, oh, just a wee bit easier than minorities in this country. So, rather than throwing my remote through the television screen, I decided to have some fun with this heated topic:
“White privilege” you say? “White privilege” you insist?
But I’m white and not rich, so it doesn’t exist.
I myself bear a burden, a very heavy one
I can’t afford to finish our remodel, my steam shower isn’t even done.
I’m not the bad guy because I’m white and I’m stable
Move to the suburbs, you’re perfectly able.
Sure, I borrowed twice from my dad, Richie Rich
I advise you do the same when you’re in a pinch.
Racism is over—get it through you gourd.
So what if I get nervous when a black man approaches my Ford?
That says nothing about what goes on in my head.
I’ve got two black friends, which proves racism is dead.
All you’ve got to do is work hard and go to school
You’ve got no other barriers, you liberal fool.
Have your folks pay your loans while you go to class
Just get up and get moving--get off your lazy ass.
White privilege is silly—a thing of the past
Slavery was years ago—its effects didn’t last.
Sure, the Voters Rights Act has seen the end of its days
But we can trust the Southern states now—they were just going through a phase.
ID requirements and restrictions on early voting?
It’s not our job to hold your hand and be doting.
Get to the DMV, walk if you have to
But don’t wear a hoodie—whatever you do.
We white folk are scared by a dark man in a dark clothes
For your intentions and purpose, only God knows.
How do we know if you’re holding a phone or a gun?
And why, when we chase you, do you begin to run?
I can’t figure out why you’re always in jail
Can’t your parents afford to pay for your bail?
Of course I do wrong, but I rarely pay the price
Life’s about luck-of-the-draw and roll-of-the-dice.
Sure, I snort cocaine and never get caught
But it’s not my fault you’re in prison for pot.
Just be likeable—shoot the cops a quick smile
An “I’m sorry, Officer” has always gotten me miles.
I rarely get pulled over, but whenever I do
I always comply, so why can’t you?
Let them frisk you for no reason—don’t make a big scene
You’ll only look violent, scary and mean.
Take a cue from Obama—never be irate
And white people will always cooperate.
Just as our productive congressmen do
It’s only taken them six years to pass an act or two.